44 in 2020

Love came at me from every angle, all corners of the globe, above, below and beyond yesterday... It's humbling to feel myself present in so many hearts and minds and I feel so grateful. Thanks to all of you who took time to send me love...I really feel it.

44 in 2020

I feel ancient and also newborn. This epic and intense unfolding has loomed in my imagination for what feels like infinity and, as I celebrate another year of life on Earth, I can't help but feel so grateful to be alive and A W A K E for this moment. It's as though all the lessons, all the teachers, all the trauma, all the answers and their questions, all the dead ends and revelations, all the experience and all the failures where priming me for this moment. Right now.

I can look back at a winding, slithering, chaotic road that I traveled to be here in this cabin, on this hill, in this community, on this spinning jewel today. There's a lot that I'd like to share about that journey and, maybe one day I will, but right now I'll just say this...

At the ripe young old age of 44, I am *finally* transmuting the faulty, dense, sticky, toxic programming that my parents and my society installed on my operating system. I am laying down the expectations of worth, success, beauty, cool, and "essential" imposed on me from anybody outside of me. Laying down others judgment has been easier than laying down my own but it can be done. Hard look, by hard lesson, by hard truth...one step at a time. The Patriarchy did a good number on us women, it's true, but the cage door is open now and it's up to us to walk outside of it, re-OS our operating systems and fucking rise...

Deep inside of you, you know who you are. You know what soothes you, what delights you, what comforts you. You know what art to make, what food to eat, how to move your body with the music. You know what brings you joy. You know what direction your soul wants to go and it's time to listen.

The moment that I allowed myself to THINK my truth was catalyzing. The moment that I invited myself to WRITE my truth was profound. The moment that I granted myself space to SPEAK my truth was pivotal. And the moment that I invited myself to LIVE my truth, my world changed and bloomed and continues to amaze me with the synchronicities, connections, ease, joy and meaning it delivers every moment.

I gave up a lot of myself to find myself and I learned that ease doesn't come easy, but it comes if you're honest about who you are and what you want.

My birthday wish for 2020 is that each of you reading this post or seeing my smiling face take this Great Pause as a sign, an invitation, a wrapped gift to come home to yourself. Use this plot twist to re-write your story...our story. Let the spark deep inside of you ignite into a pyre and burn away what no longer serves you or our World. Let yourself shine from the inside out and follow your bliss....it's the only way out of this mess and it's a gift and it's yours.

Sending you all deep gratitude, self-compassion, courage and imagination. Happy Spring. Happy Resurrecting.